The modern world is filled with a variety of dating advice. So much so that a lot of “dating gurus” or “dating coaches” have sprung up all over social media. Many of them offer surefire solutions to your single woos. However, there are also the people in our lives who always seem to have the perfect solution/answer. The solution that will end all your dating difficulties. The ideas that you’ve never thought of. If you can’t tell, I am being sarcastic in that previous sentence. As someone who has been single their entire life, except for those three months when I was fourteen, I’ve heard it all. And frankly, people like me are a little sick of it. Here are just a few things we hear, like clockwork, and my opinions about them.

1.         

“Have you tried online dating?”: I’ve been on

this planet for thirty-eight years; how did I not think about online dating? Of

course I have tried online dating. I’ve been trying it since I was in my mid-twenties

and with the final straw being March 2023. Guess what, it never worked out for

me. No one I was interested in was interested in me, and vice versa. Nothing

ever resulted in a date. I managed to talk to one guy via phone back in 2022

but, he turned out to have anger issues. Glad we were only talking at that time

and nothing else had moved beyond that. The only thing I got from the dating

sites is wasting hundreds of dollars on premium subscriptions and wasted time.

Trust me, I pretty much tried them all and nothing, and I mean nothing came out

of them. I did go to a few events with Match but didn’t connect with anyone.

And before you ask, yes, my location was set to national, and my age gap was

ten years my senior and five years my junior. Nothing!

2.       

“It’ll happen when you least expect it.”: this

usually comes from people who have been together for a very long time. Those

that didn’t have to try. Anyway, I’m pretty sure ninety-five percent of the

time I don’t expect it. Like, when I’m going to the grocery store to pick up

something or to do my deep grocery shopping. Or when I’m getting gas. Or pretty

much just living my life. I don’t go out of my house expecting to meet anyone

really, especially a partner. I just go about my business. Do what I need or

want to do and go home. I know this is something to try to make singles feel

better but, sometimes I feel like people say this because they don’t know what

else to say.

3.       

“You have to go out and look for it”: Which is

contradictory to the second point. So, which is it? Not expecting it or going

out to look for it? I also see this as something people say when they have

nothing to say, and it most likely comes from the people who have been together

for a long time or met their partners at school or work.

4.       

“It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”: Says the

person who has been married for decades. Or the people that have no problems

getting dates or have a list of people who are interested. Hell, I didn’t even

get a chance to judge for myself. When you’re someone who hasn’t had that

chance, it’s different. I have no personal knowledge on if it’s worth it or not

or have even come close to it. I don’t believe anyone else should come to that

conclusion for another person. Just because it wasn’t worth it to you doesn’t

mean myself or someone in my situation will feel the same.

5.       

“Love yourself first.”: Is a relationship a

reward for loving yourself? I’m more than sure everyone in a relationship does

not completely love themselves. Some people learned to love themselves when

they entered a relationship. Sometimes you can’t see certain things until

someone who loves you really points it out. Likewise, loving yourself is not a substitute

for a relationship. There are several people walking around who love themselves

and aren’t able to find a relationship. This saying sometimes feels like a

blame game.

6.       

“Enjoy being single.”: I have enjoyed being

single. Thirty-eight years. I do everything alone. I’ve traveled alone. I take

myself out to nice dinners. I go to events alone. I plan everything alone. Everything,

everything. I would like to have a partner to experience life with. Plan stuff

with. Celebrate with. Have fun with. Let someone else take the reins for once. I

think I am beyond self-sufficient and have no problems being independent. I

have no problems going out and having fun. Hell, when I was a kid, I managed to

make my own fun out of even the most mundane things. What’s wrong with wanting

to have fun with someone else?

7.       

“Make friends.”: Working on that, however, as an

adult, it’s not easy. Trust me. Also, friends are not a substitute for romantic

love. There are certain things you get from a partner that you can’t get from a

friend.

8.

"Be Patient": All I have to say to this one is "38 years".

Can we be honest and really chalk up certain things being about luck? Some people get lucky, and others don’t. I don’t think that should be taboo to say when it comes to relationships. I think to say it means a lot of people in relationships would get defensive and have to reevaluate their way of thinking because they know they didn’t have to do grand gestures to find their relationship. The two of you were just in the right place at the right time.

When a late bloomer or a long-term single person talks about their stresses of being single, listen to them. Keep the unsolicited advice. Sometimes we just want someone to listen and be there as a shoulder to cry on. A lot of us are dealing with loneliness many couldn’t ever imagine. There is no one in my life that has ever experienced life how I have and sometimes it’s incredibly isolating.